Can you believe this this fantastic week is nearing it's end? It honestly makes me a little weepy to think about. I would just like to thank Kelly for contributing for the week, and doing a FANTASTIC giveaway. I mean, it's international, y'all. And we all know how much I adore her books. Cinder and Ella is the one from her writing I've most recently read, but THE AVERY SHAW EXPERIMENT is awesome. So is V IS FOR VIRGIN, UNGIFTED and pretty much all the other books she has written as well.
On to the guest post + giveaway! To enter the INTERNATIONAL giveaway, leave a comment on the post for Kelly to read about YOUR struggle and what you do (or want to do, try to do) to overcome it. Fight against it. The winner will get their choice of one of Kelly's fantastic books. The giveaway ends SEPTEMBER 30, 2015 at 11:59 PM + LEAVE your email so I can contact you!)
Hey everyone! I’m happy to be
here today, and be part of self worth week. I love that Jackie wanted to do
something to address this topic, and I’m honored that she thought of me. I’m a
little passionate about this issue, so I’ll try to contain myself and not to
ramble too much.
The topic of self worth is
one that is very personal for me. Loving yourself is one of the most important
things a person can do, and also one of the hardest. I have struggled with my
own insecurities to the point where they literally ruled my life. I almost
destroyed myself because I hated who I was.
It took me years to learn to
love myself, and once I finally gained a little bit of self worth, my entire
life changed so much. It’s like I was finally free to live my life and enjoy
it. I am a better person now for having learned to accept my flaws and love
myself despite them. I think that’s why the idea of believing in yourself is so
important to me, and why it tends to be a recurring theme in all of my books.
From tomboy Ellie Westley and
her socially inept Seth Bishop, to Virgin Val, to the physically scarred Ella
Rodriguez, all the way to my favorite warlock Russ Devereaux, I think nearly
every single one of my characters in my books has struggled with who they are,
and has had to work to overcome their insecurities. I believe that’s what gives
them their strength. As readers, we say we love strong characters. Well guess
what guys, it’s the same in real life. We all have flaws, and it’s those
imperfections that make us strong. We grow when we have to work to overcome our
flaws. When we persevere despite our imperfections.
I’m going to get a bit
personal with you now. Take what you will from my experiences. All my life I
have struggled with mental illness. I have both Bi-Polar disorder and a severe
social anxiety disorder. I’ve suffered from depression my entire life, and have
been suicidal a handful of times. When I was nineteen, it got so bad that I had
a complete psychotic break and had to go through a rehabilitation program.
Being suicidal, hearing
voices, nearly flunking out of college, being unable to live on my own, and
being mentally unstable aren’t things I’m proud of. For years I was ashamed of
it. I hated myself because I wasn’t
like other people. I thought I was crazy. I thought I was a freak. I thought I
was a failure. I couldn’t handle things the way everyone else could. Everything
seemed too hard. Was too big of a deal. Even the simplest things that should
have been easy felt impossible.
I was bullied a lot growing
up because I was a total tomboy and too shy to make friends. In grade school,
before my parents knew what my problems were, my social anxiety made it
impossible for me to act like the other kids in my classes at school. I
couldn’t talk to people, couldn’t answer questions when I was called on by the
teacher. I wouldn’t play with kids at recess. It made me an easy target for
teasing, and I was picked on mercilessly. I was teased. I was beat up. I was
never called by my name—only a handful of nicknames the entire school used. I
was as young as seven years old, and that treatment continued for years.
Eventually my family moved
and I went to a new school where no one knew me, and I got medication for my
social anxiety. It helped, but the damage the bullies had done to my self-confidence
was already done. Then my depression problems and mental illness started to
manifest in high school. My lack of self worth became crippling. I stopped
caring. I stopped trying. I became suicidal. And then, when I was forced to get
help, I didn’t see the point in trying to make myself better. I didn’t think I
deserved to feel better. I didn’t think I was worth the effort.
I was wrong.
It took me years, a lot of
hard work, a lot of counseling and medication, and a lot of love and support
from friends and family, but eventually I crawled out of the dark and started
to fight back. I learned the importance of believing in myself. I learned that
I am worth saving. That I am a person who deserves happiness. And most
importantly, I learned that even though I’m flawed, I am still a great person,
and I am capable of having a wonderful life.
Am I still mentally ill? Yes.
Will I struggle with depression and anxiety my entire life? Yes. And now that
I’ve had four children and have hit my early thirties metabolism slow-down I
get the added bonus of struggling with my weight. (woohoo.) But am I happy?
Very much so. Because I have learned to look at my flaws as my strengths, and
I’ve learned to focus on the good qualities I have.
My life is hard. It’s a
constant struggle. An endless battle that most people don’t have to deal with.
Bi-polar disorder is an incurable disease. I will always struggle with it. I used to think that made me a crazy
freak. Now I realize I am an incredibly strong person because I don’t let it
beat me. I fight back, and I will continue to fight back. I have to work hard
just to maintain the kind of life that comes naturally to most people. I’m
better for it. Not worse.
We all have something we’re
struggling with. For me, it’s mental illness. For others it’s body image
issues, or money struggles, or home living situations. There are endless things
for people to be insecure about. Everyone
has flaws. Flaws are a part of life. Embrace your flaws. Learn to appreciate
them if not love them. They make you strong, and they make the good things in
your life that much more worth it.
I didn’t think I had anything
worth sharing. I didn’t think I was talented. I was a horrible student. I’m
completely uncoordinated. I’m beyond inept artistically. And to top it off I
can barely manage to get by in my day-to-day life. But in my struggles to
overcome my flaws, I did a lot of soul searching and started to find things I
am good at.
Now, I have a happy,
successful, wonderful life filled with more blessings that I ever thought
possible. I was told I shouldn’t have children because it might be too hard for
me with my condition. I refused to take that. I was stronger than that. I have
four amazing kids who are growing up beautifully that are daily proof of just
how strong I am. I have an incredible husband who loves me and helps me when I
struggle and makes me a better person than I ever have been. I have an amazing
career that I love and that allows me to share a little of myself and my own
struggles with the world. Every time I get an email from a fan who says my book
touched them, or inspired them in some way, it puts me in tears. I’ve had a
difficult path, but I’ve made the best of it and I love that my experiences can
sometimes help others. That makes my struggles worth it. I’m worth it. And you are too.
Everyone has something that
makes them special. Everyone has positive traits to make up for the bad ones.
The hard part is focusing on the good instead of the bad. Like the amazingly
optimistic Ryan Miller says in Being
Jamie Baker says, “Life’s generally not so bad. Most people just choose to
see the negative.”
It’s easy to see our flaws,
but sometimes it takes serious effort to see our good side. It’s hard. But
those good things are there. They exist. Search within yourself and figure out
what makes you worth it. Maybe you’re patient. Maybe you’re a great friend.
Maybe you are just so stubborn you refuse to quit. Whatever it is, you have self worth. Everyone does. Find
yours and hang on to it for dear life. Figure out who you are and be true to
yourself. Love yourself. That will be the single most important thing you ever
do. I can’t stress that enough. Which is most likely the reason I always bring
it up in my books lol.
My next release, The Libby Garrett Intervention is all
about learning to love yourself. Libby Garrett (who you may know from The Avery Shaw Experiment) struggles
with self-esteem. She’s overweight, and a social outcast. She’s a nerd. The
book is about how her insecurity rules her life and how she manages to overcome
it. I love the book. It’s more personal for me than most people will ever
realize. I’m very excited to get it out there to the world, and I hope that people
will not only enjoy the story, but take the underlying message to heart. I hope
you all will take the time to read it. It comes out October 24th,
and is available for pre-order now on Amazon, B&N, Kobo, and iBooks. (hint,
hint, wink, wink…) (JACKIE: REMEMBER WHEN I SAID EVERYTHING SHE WRITES YOU SHOULD READ? REAAAD IT)
I’d love to do a giveaway
today in honor of self worth week. I’ll give a signed copy of any one of my
books (your choice) to one lucky reader. It helps us to hear that we’re not
alone, and to see that others struggle with the same things we do, so to enter
the giveaway, comment on this blog post and share something that you struggle
with and what you do to try to fight back against it. Show me your strength! I
know you have it!
Thanks for letting me get all
personal and preachy on you today. I truly am passionate about this and hope
that you got something out of my story. Best of luck everyone in this life
journey, and remember to love yourself!
Find Kelly on her website. It really is such a lovely little place.
(JACKIE: Hey guys! The giveaway ends at the end of the month: September 30, 2015 at 11:59 PM CST. PLEEEASE leave your email so I can contact you that you have won. Don't you want to see that in your inbox?)
A show of strength when I was hurt playing tennis and could not play for long. With patience and strength to achieve through it.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the giveaway.
celeste_257@hotmail.com
I used to struggled with my personality. I'm introverted and I'll always choose to read instead of going out, so when I was a teenager, it was a nightmare. I used to feel inadequate and out of place all the time. Later, I realized that I was doing things that didn't make me happy, just because I wanted to "fit". So I quit it. I choose to let everything (including people) that wanted to do me things just to get socially accepted.
ReplyDeleteBest decision of my life. Now I have real friends, that don't care if I choose to read on a Saturday night instead of going out. And now I don't really care either if the people see me weird because I don't fit. I would happily said that I'm different and I'm proud of it.
Thanks for the giveaway. I can't wait to read the book about Libby.
gaby5_16@yahoo.com.mx
I have plenty of little weaknesses. Some are more significant than others. There is one thing that I do not consider a weakness, but many others might. In today's society, everything is over-sexualized in my opinion. Too many things have inappropriate undertones and the fact that some of these things make me uncomfortable makes many others think I am a prude. I am not a prude. But the fact the everyone is too open about everything makes me uncomfortable. But you know what? I don't care if some people see me as "too innocent" or whatever. I think many of the things that are represented in the modern world are better left vague sometimes. I am happy with my life and who I am. I am happy that I choose to focus on other more important things, besides who's sleeping with who and which celebrity cheated on which! I'm not completely in the dark, I just don't dwell on these things like other people. This may not be a true struggle, but it's awkward for me sometimes when someone tells a sexual joke and everyone laugh, but it's one didn't understand.
ReplyDeleteKelly, let me just tell you, thank you for being who you are! You are beautiful, you're kind, you're a fantastic author, and you're strong! You said you feel great when your fans compliment you and/or your work. Well, as a huge fan, let me say that every time you and I converse, whether it's on facebook, or Goodreads, or even when you emailed my after I subscribed to your blog! I literally squealed to my family, "Oh my god! One of my favorite authors just talked to me. ME!" It's always such an honor to talk to you. Your books are some of my all time favorites and my comfort reads as well. If I read a book that was a complete turn-off, I will speed read one or more of your books to boost myself up again.
Also thanks for being a clean author ^^
Maybe I am a bit of a prude :P
sandragdeeb@yahoo.com
saying no
ReplyDeletebn100candg at hotmail dot com
I've always struggled with being too shy. It's hard for me to make new friends, talk to people I don't know. When I really get to know someone and trust in them, I talk a lot -maybe too much lol- but the beginning is the problem. In grade school I couldn't read in front of the class. High school was harder because people can make fun. Public speeches are like a nightmare for me. And I blush. A lot.
ReplyDeleteWhen I changed of school, that was the best decision I could've made. I met really great people who became my best friends. And my family has always been a great support too.
It's still hard, but every day I try to fight it, push my own limits to become more sociable and overcome my shyness.
Thanks Kelly for sharing your story. I love your books because they are so much fun that always cheer me up. But also, each one has a beautiful message
And also thanks for the giveaway!
agus_15_81@hotmail.com